What if we could go back in time and talk to our younger selves? What if that seed that was planted back when we were 5 or 12 or 17 was extracted or dug up by the root? How would we view our bodies then?

A lot of our body image in our adult years stems from an age when we were so young that curfews were still in place and our favorite movie involved a cute-fluffy animal. If we were at an age when cognitive maturity is still being developed and self-identity is still being explored how is it that the perception of our bodies then is what so strongly influences our bodies now? How is it that the bodies we were living in that were constantly changing are the bodies that solidified our view of our adult bodies? This does not seem fair and reasonable to me. 

I think back to a memory when I was no older than 12. I was with my best friend and her mom at a Fourth of July parade eating a bagel and cream cheese. The sun was out and life was good. I was just being a kid and enjoying the lack of demands of that age. And then my friend’s mom asked if the bagel was my breakfast or a snack, which I happily shared was a snack and I had already eaten breakfast. I was hungry and fueling my body to what I felt was normal and appropriate. My friend’s mom then shared her surprise that a bagel and cream cheese would be a snack (the horror!) and warned me that I “better enjoy that while I could because eating like that would one day catch up to me”. I remember knowing that I was hungry and that eating the bagel was okay and also feeling uncertain and weird about that comment. Later in life I did not develop an eating disorder, but I can look back as an adult and realize that I can still vividly remember this memory. Although that moment did not seem significant or impactful and I do not have any strong emotions thinking back to that day this is still a memory that has stuck. 

What I know now is that the comments from others can shape our thoughts and actions, especially at a young age.

I also know that the comments from others oftentimes can be complete bullshit.

Yup! I said it - 100% complete BS. That mom was not a dietitian. She was not an expert on my body. She had no place to comment on my weight (which was healthy) or eating habits (which were also healthy). She did it anyway. 

As a dietitian I can assure you that your desires for food are natural. Our human bodies need fuel to function. Eating is okay. And yet, we are told, even at young ages, that food should be something we “proceed with caution” with. I wish I could go back to all these moments and have my adult self listen in and process with my younger self. I firmly trust that my view of my body throughout life would dramatically change for the good if I could do that, but I know that is not a luxury I have. 

I do have the ability to change how I talk to myself and others now. I have the responsibility to my younger self to right any wrongs and deprogram the hurtful and inaccurate comments.

When I hear clients share shame and guilt for being young and feeling like they were unhealthy because they loved cookies, I can remind them that “duh! cookies are delicious and most all kids love cookies and will at times want to eat more than what our adult selves feels is reasonable!” I can remind that client that was not a sign that they were out of control with food but rather they were young and starting to explore food independence more and learning, which sometimes comes through trial and error. I can also do that with my own body. When I put on a bathing suit and I see stretch marks and cellulite I can either shame my body or I can remind myself “well of course my body has wear and tear! I’ve lived in it for decades and these markings on my body are natural and normal. I DO NOT HAVE TO CHANGE OR SHAME THEM!” 

I like to think about how different we could feel in our skin and about our bodies if we were to talk to ourselves like our younger self was present. Would we edit what we would say? Use a different tone? Be more rational? Would we also keep in mind that a lot of what we took in that has shaped our view of ourselves was false and inaccurate and we just did not have the education and experience to understand that at that time? 

My challenge for myself is one for you as well. Take on the work to deprogram the hurtful and unproductive messages you picked up on as a kid or teen or even as an adult. Challenge them and speak to yourself with the gentleness that your younger self deserved as well!