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BAH HUMBUG! Managing Mental Health During the Holidays by Sarah Hart, LCPC, C-DBT

When some hear the familiar tune of Christmas music and see the bright lights lining the streets, they feel excitement, joy, and warmth. However, for others, these familiar senses bring about emotions such as fear, anxiety and dread.  Holidays are “supposed” to be a happy time spent celebrating with loved ones, but for those with mental health struggles such as depression, anxiety, trauma and eating disorders, the holidays can induce intense stress. If you or a loved one have a difficult time in the upcoming months, here are a few tips to make the holidays a bit brighter.


First and foremost, be clear about your boundaries and limitations. If a specific gathering, place, or person elicits an intense stress response, it is okay to say “no.” Be sure to assert yourself with your loved ones and share what events you are and are not willing to participate in. Healthy boundaries are often described as knowing your personal wants and needs and being able to effectively communicate them. It is important to assert yourself, be clear, and not compromise your values for the sake of others. That said, another essential aspect of having a positive holiday experience is communication.


Communicating effectively can be difficult for some, as they fear rejection and lack of validation.


One helpful strategy as described in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is called DEARMAN. DEARMAN is a skill that can guide an individual to assert themselves in situations where there may be conflict or tension. First, DESCRIBE the situation. Next, EXPRESS how you are feeling. Be sure to focus on “I feel” statements. Then, ASSERT yourself making your thoughts about the situation as clear as possible. After that, REINFORCE why you think and feel the way that you do and how you feel the solution will benefit you. Following this, be MINDFUL of how this can impact the other party and be sure to avoid invalidating their emotions as a result. APPEAR confident; be sure to take note of body language and tone. Finally, NEGOTIATE. There may need to be some type of compromise where both parties receive a benefit of sorts. Always remember asserting yourself and using skills such as DEARMAN do not always mean others will be completely receptive, but it does mean you have effectively expressed your thoughts, feelings and needs in hopes of a solution.

Another skill you can utilize prior to holiday events is COPE AHEAD. Focus on creating a toolbox of sorts filled with coping skills you readily have access to in stressful situations. Planning is of utmost importance, as it can be extremely difficult to access skills amid intense emotions such as a panic attack. It is recommended that you identify at least 5 skills to manage a specific emotion. For example, if being in a large crowd at a holiday gathering provokes heightened anxiety and panic, you can plan to utilize a grounding technique, such as “5,4,3,2,1.” This can be described as follows: Name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. This technique allows an individual to return to the present moment and help pull out of the sense of panic. It is often recommended to practice emotional regulation skills when feeling calm to aid in mastery.

Holidays concentrated on large celebrations surrounding food may be especially difficult for an individual struggling with an eating disorder. Focusing on mindful eating exercises during mealtimes can be extremely helpful. Mindful eating allows an individual to focus on the present moment and all the senses. Be sure to sit at the table with your feet grounded. Take the meal slow, chewing each bite and admiring the taste, texture, and smell. Observe, describe, savor, and experience each aspect of the meal as non-judgmentally as possible. Take deep breaths and avoid multitasking. Utilize family conversation or soft music to keep you in the moment. As mentioned previously, be sure to communicate any additional support needed from family members during mealtimes.

The hope is that with these emotional regulation skills, you can get rid of the “bah humbugs” and create positive experiences surrounding the holidays. If you are interested in additional therapeutic support or education surrounding DBT, please reach out to Lotus Therapy Group at 708-552-7330 or click here! Happy, HEALTHY, Holidays!

Happy, HEALTHY, Holidays!