On a recent trip to the beach while standing in the water, I was reminded of the DBT skill, ride the wave, which is a way to cope with and view our emotions. In life, we simply cannot control every emotion that we feel. As much as our society values happiness, it is actually normal to experience a wide variety of emotions. Feeling happy all of the time isn’t normal or possible. Some of our emotions are pleasant and easy. Others are difficult and uncomfortable. Usually we don’t need help coping with the pleasant emotions of happiness, joy, or excitement -- those are the emotions we want to stick around. But how do we healthily cope with those unpleasant emotions when we can’t keep them from coming our way? Emotions like anxiety, fear, sadness, anger. Ride the wave is one option. 

Imagine yourself standing in the ocean and waves are rolling in. Some of these waves are easy and fun. Some waves we can see coming and we’re prepared. But others are rougher. Or we don’t see them coming and they hit us hard. When this happens, it might be instinct to resist or to fight that wave. But when we do this, the wave tends to hit us harder and we are even more likely to get caught up in it if we resist it. Ride the wave of emotion teaches us to drop the fight and to even open ourselves up to the emotion. But why would we do this if the emotion hurts and feels so difficult?

Because resisting our emotions means that they stick around longer and are amplified. 

Riding the wave means that we accept the emotion as is. This type of acceptance doesn’t mean that we like it, approve it, want it, or deserve it. Accepting the emotion means that we are acknowledging the reality of a current emotional state. By allowing ourselves to fully feel that emotion, it will come in, and like a wave, it might hit us hard, but it will pass. That’s key to remember. Emotions, like waves, do not show up and just stay around forever. Waves and emotions roll in, build up, peak, and they move out. 

So how exactly do we ride this wave? The first step is to identify the emotion that you are experiencing. Name it and notice any physical sensations that are paired with that emotion. If you’re tensing any part of your body, relax your muscles, take a breath, and just notice and observe the emotion. Bring awareness to how it feels. Take a slow breath and begin to notice if that emotion begins to shift at all. Remember that you are not a feeling or an emotion. It is not your identity of who you are. Remember that emotions are part of your experience, but they are not all of you or all of your experience. The emotion and the wave will pass. And with practice, you will begin to build emotional resilience. You will learn by doing this, that you can have a difficult emotion without it overtaking you and that you can allow it to move on. 

This is just one of many skills that can help you cope. And if you get a chance this summer, spend some time standing in a lake, a river, or an ocean, and observe the waves. Imagine them as your emotions coming and going, ebbing and flowing, and just ride the wave. 

If you are interested in learning more about other DBT skills or if you believe it can help you reduce suffering in your life, please contact us at Lotus Therapy Group at 708-552-7330 or click here .