Whether we like it or not, we are currently living in and raising kids in a tech focused, digital era.  From utilizing devices for educational purposes to entertainment, our children are taught from an early age to function digitally.  One statistic reports that approximately 95% of adolescents ages 13-17 report using at least one social media app.  That being said, there are certainly pros and cons to near constant access to media and electronics.  Social media CAN negatively impact an individual’s mental health, specifically in relation to the rise in depression, anxiety, eating disorders and addictions. 

Some studies have shown that utilizing media apps more than 3 hours per day can double a person’s risk for poor mental health.

Conversely, there are many benefits to being technologically inclined.  Additional studies have reported that up to 59% of teens report feeling more accepted through usage of social media.  Some apps allow kids and adults to connect with other like-minded individuals and help foster creativity.  It can allow connections with others that identify similarly which can lead to an increase in self-worth and overall feelings of acceptance. As parents, the question is often this:

How do I promote a healthy relationship with technology and social media?

Here are some tips on how to encourage a tech positive household!

First and foremost, modeling healthy behaviors and media usage as parents can go a long way!  It is important to ask ourselves, “How am I utilizing my tech time? Do I have limitations and boundaries in place?”  Our kids are like sponges from their young adolescent years and beyond.  Potential risks become increasingly heightened as early as age 10 as those are the formative years biologically, socially and psychologically. 

By SHOWING adolescents what boundaries LOOK like, we can positively impact their beliefs about media use. 

For example, if we expect our children to engage in family meals sans technology, then WE should abide by that same expectation and boundary.

Next, it is essential to have open and honest communication about tech and media use.  Not only does this create a dialogue between parents and children, but it allows us the opportunity to provide education and information about media use.  One important area to discuss is the idea of misinformation as well as perceived perfectionism and “curated content” on social media apps.  As we know, teens often compare themselves to others based on appearance or what they see being shared publicly.  This can significantly lower self-worth.  By teaching our children about social media limitations, friends vs. “followers” on an app, challenging perfectionism/comparisons and encouraging conversations at home, we can significantly decrease the value placed on media perception.

Parents are often additionally stressed about the dangers related to phone and media use, which lead to monitoring and tracking devices.  While it is crucial to ensure safety, it is also of utmost importance to allow some independence.  Expert Devorah Heitner, Ph.D discusses the idea of mentoring vs. monitoring in her book, “Screenwise: Helping Kids Thrive (and Survive) in their Digital World & Growing Up in Public.”

Here are a few of the recommended approaches:

• Ask yourself “What is my goal?” prior to initiating any monitoring system or software.

• Openly communicate with your child about HOW they will handle specific stressful situations they may be exposed to (i.e., inappropriate language, mean or unkind gossip, intentionally excluding others, inappropriate photos or video content)

• TEACH how to handle these situations instead of assuming they already know how to best cope with inappropriate content.

• Encourage honest communication about any and all issues they may come across with peers through tech use.

There are certainly situations where monitoring is more than appropriate/necessary, and in these instances, it is strongly encouraged to be honest with your child about what and how they are being monitored.  This will create a more trusting relationship, where they will not feel they are being tricked or “spied on.”   By combining both monitoring and mentoring techniques, we are ultimately encouraging some independence and ability to learn to make sound decisions throughout adolescence, as well as ways to cope with difficult situations.

Lastly, teaching our children the idea of empathy through technology can also be highly beneficial.  A commonly reported stressor related to media use is the expectation of constant accessibility or availability, particularly amongst peers.  By educating our children about the wide variety of limitations with accessibility or differing lifestyles, we are helping promote empathy which in turn, can decrease anxiety related to social relationships. It is important to let them know it is more than okay to take breaks from media, not respond immediately, and set boundaries all while communicating this to their peers.

Through open communication within the family unit, we are ultimately fostering a more tech positive and healthy relationship with media use and one another. 

For additional resources and tips about this topic, you can visit: https://devorahheitner.com/ .  Additionally, if you are finding these topics difficult to approach with your adolescents, individual and family therapy sessions can be an excellent resource to help promote open communication and educate healthy boundaries and coping mechanisms related to media stressors.

To learn more or connect with someone from our team please reach out to Lotus Therapy Group at 708-552-7330.