How Do You Want to Live? by Samantha Maciaga, MA, LCPC
I recently sat with a client in session and as we discussed eating disorders and the toll it had taken on her, she said, “It’s no way to live.” This statement stuck out to me because when struggling with an eating disorder, it can quickly consume your whole life — your thoughts, your behaviors, your time, your energy, the list goes on. The eating disorder can take over and dictate what you find important. Many people who struggle with eating disorders will spend much of their time focusing on food, weight, and body image. This all will leave little to no time or energy for how you want to live.
So, what do you do if you find that the eating disorder is controlling your life?
The first step is to seek help. Recovery cannot be done in isolation. Seek help from a qualified therapist and dietitian or treatment program to help you begin to break away from the eating disorder that has stolen your life. Recovery will consist of many different steps.
In the process of recovering from an eating disorder, one of those steps is to rediscover and recreate your values and what you find meaningful in life. To do this, you can start by completing a values clarification exercise. But first, before discussing that exercise, let’s take a moment to define values.
What are values? Values are directions in life. Values are not goals. Values are words like empathy, enjoyment, independence, adventure, connection, etc. Values can help guide you and give you fuel. Values are what you are passionate about. For example, imagine you are planning a trip and you want to head west. You begin traveling west because it matters to you to go this direction. But now think about the eating disorder coming along, taking control, and suddenly, you are headed south. But you didn’t want to go south! The eating disorder has decided for you where you will be going.
When an eating disorder takes hold, it is very likely that your core values will be pushed to the side and you will be headed in a completely different direction from where you originally intended. If you look at what the eating disorder finds valuable, it will likely be very different from what you value.
So how do you get back on track? This is where a values clarification exercise can be useful. You can take some time with a values list and go through, choosing which ones resonate with you the most. Choose about 10-20 values. Think about who you were before the eating disorder took hold and consider who you want to become as the eating disorder loses its grip on your life. I am reminded of Carl Jung’s quote,
“I am not what happened to me. I am what I choose to become.”
Remember that you are not your eating disorder. Your life does not have to be about following the direction that the eating disorder is taking you. After completing the values clarification exercise, decide on some action steps that you are willing to take that would align with some of your values. And continue doing this. Again and again. Continually and consistently choose actions that match up to your values rather than the values of the disorder. This will help to strengthen you and will serve to weaken the eating disorder. And this along with many other steps in the recovery process will help you to create a meaningful life free from the eating disorder.
